bruhcardi:

when u take off ur iphone case and it feels like ur holding a newborn

(via hoodsiecups)

45388

My mother had the audacity to call me a lightweight. I’ve only drank with you once and I’m 18447% positive that I spent most of my time chasing the cat you let out while I was 6 shots in and barely tipsy.

Tell me again about how I’m a lightweight, please.

1

dampsandwich:

its garbage day???

i cant believe they made a day dedicated to me :)

(via okay)

86883

methhomework:

"i just broke up with my -"

image

(via coluring)

110436

foodchewer:

if ur looking for me i’ll be in the trash

(via fake-mermaid)

134795

northbound:

They’re called eyebrows cause my eyes be browsing yo fine ass 

(Source: g-y-p-s-y-h-e-a-r-t-s, via batmanbasically)

221991

kushdrinker:

how to give a handjob:

1. grab boner mid-shaft

2. pump until confetti is released

3. party

(via sniffing)

82971